I’ve never quited understood how people can be your friends on their terms. It seems almost contradictory. How is there a give and take with people when you are constantly giving to meet their demands? Is it bad to question, and realize that maybe the friendship isn’t exactly what you need out of life.  Is it bad that you get tired of conceding?  Where do you go when you have things on your mind that you need help sorting out?

I’ve got a friend who fits that bill, and where he knows a lot about me and we have a somewhat close friendship.  But he’s only there when he has the opportunity to be there.  When you need someone and it doesn’t fit his schedule he can’t help.

Do you take the friendship and let it die, or do you take the friendship and take it as it is, slowly realizing that maybe not every friend can fit the mold you desire?

A few days ago an event happened that has altered every aspect of my life. If I’ve talked to you about it you know and understand. For those of you that are in the dark, I will either come to you at my own time or just ignore it.

I do this not to ruin friendships but to talk to people I think are strong enough to handle what happened.

Don’t worry, it’s not a disease or anything of the sort.

I generally do a good job of pushing it out of my mind. And for the most part none of you would be the wiser. But it’s in my solitude that it captivates me and I can’t escape it.

I only hope my friends understanding and are sympathetic as I move forward.

The world is all about perceptions.  The perceptions that people can have about you can be either stigmatizing or uplifting.  Often times I have a very difficult time with my own self perception.

I am my own worst critic.

I have been better with this aspect in my life.  I don’t look at my thinning hair and think:

• God I’m 24 why am I loosing my hair, I’ll never find someone to date.
• Look at this spare tire, I could roll down a hill and be fine.

The point is that I’ve already thought of what most may have already have thought.  My life has changed from focusing on the negatives to trying to change the negatives into something I like.  Each day I affirm something about myself to help remain positive.  

Today, I was sitting in a class room finishing up a paper before my class began.  I walked in and didn’t notice someone sitting in the far corner of the classroom.  However when it was six and we all got up to go to class so did this woman.  She was probably the largest woman I have ever seen.  She had difficulty walking and kept her head down. 

I am sure people on campus have a very negative perception of her.  I have a very stark contrasting perception.  The individual woman herself was lost and the imagery of being very obese penetrated my mind.  I thought primarily of my family in seeing her.  I don’t exactly come from a health conscious family.  Everyone in my immediate family could be considered overweight or even obese. 

I think of the hardships that people have based off of the perceptions people can create.  

• Does she have friends? 
• If she has trouble walking what does she do for fun? 

It goes the same for other factors as well.  If people know you take an anti-depressant will they label you unstable? 

The world is full of perceptions and while we have the power to change certain perceptions others remain.  I wonder at times if I am the only one that sees things in this type of manner.  I’m sure some would mock or make fun of her either behind her back or even to her face.  Why do we celebrate those without even the most fundamental idea of humanity.

I will never understand those who laugh at others misfortunes and who are then celebrated by their friends.  How are we suppose begin to accept and celebrate differences when we allow such pettyness to continue?  I often wonder how we as a society will progress if we can’t get past such trivial issues.