digitalshawn.com the life of a guppie

and all the king’s men…

It’s somewhat typical for me to experience a wide range of emotions throughout the week you could equate my range throughout the week to the emotions that a southern Baptist preacher goes through when getting caught soliciting an undercover male police officer for sex.

I generally can pick myself back up, either by looking at photos of Ricky Martin with his “step brother” or working out. The working has been the most effective way I manage my depression. Not only does it help with my mood but I get the added benefit of a physical change with my body which in turns helps to raise my spirits.

The past few weeks however, the working out or Ricky Martin pictures have not helped pick me back up from my funk. I’ve gotten into fights with friends, argued with someone who doesn’t like me the same way I like him and just generally been very unfocused. The depression almost sent me spiraling back to a state that I have no desire to return to. Fortunately my doctor was able to see me this past Monday and with his help we decided to place me back on an antidepressant. We agreed when I started working out that we would slowly transition out the wellbutrin from my life to see if a consistent work out regimen would take the place of the antidepressants. In the beginning it did help and I felt great but as time progressed I could feel myself slumping back into that dark corner.

The end result is two years of an antidepressant treatment after the two years and a transition off of them I should be fine at least according to all statistical evidence.

Grandma is fine, it wasn’t a heart attack and I am relieved I honestly don’t know how mama t would function with her gone. She still refers to Grandpa’s birthday even though he has passed away years ago. I understand the loss that she felt because I’ve felt it as well. I loved him more than I love my own father, and his passing became a specifically poignant period of my life. I’ve accepted his death and incorporated the good memories I have of him. I just hope that in time mama t can do the same.

Some of the highlights of the past two weeks include a very positive review from work, a decent increase. Surprisingly I actually take more home from this raise other than keep my same take home pay. My benefit cost didn’t increase this year, and as Martha says “that’s a good thing.”

I applied to graduate school. I submitted my application for my MBA this past week. It was unbelievably nerve wrecking and now I’m going through and trying to figure out who to ask reviews and to update my resume to show significant work experience. I initially hesitated on my application to graduate school. Luckily for me a friend and former boss kind of kicked my ass into line and said I’d be a fool not doing it after I graduate. I have the significant work experience, more so than people my own age. I’ve had a great deal of luck with my job at the bank and while there are certainly things that aggravate the living shit out of me. I am gaining the most significant experience to my career.

I do wish to update everyone on one last major event. I’ve paid off my Apple MBNA loan. It was three payments that totaled above $1,500 but that’s one bill down. I would also like to add that no more of my money will go to MBNA and their huge funding of George W Bush or their right wing ideology.

Lastly, Transamerica has made it to good old Ohio and I do plan on going to see it as soon as possible. Brokeback has done exceedingly well at the box office and with their Academy Award nominations.