sometimes you just realize it’s not even worth trying with people anymore, and you realize, your life, albeit singular, would be a helluva lot easier if you just cut all of those emotions out.

it is what i am doing, i’ve officially reached my capacity. i’m done with people.

so i hate packing.  it’s awful, and it’s what i am in the middle of as we speak.  parts of yourself getting stored in boxes until it’s ready to be put in the new place.

i never realized how much shit i have until i have to pack, and then you just look around and realize just how bad it sucks.

not sure what to write.  part of the time,  i wonder exactly who reads this, and wonders if anyone cares.  dealing with stuff.  not sure what is appropriate to talk about just yet, but i’m waiting for a phone call from a co-worker.

i’m waiting for a phone call i am not supposed to know i am getting.  which is the most frustrating thing of all because it could all change and one does not want to get their hopes up on such things.

my trainer is leaving me, he finally couldn’t take it (it being my gym) anymore.  as happy as i am for him, my selfishness kicks in and i’m quite sad for myself.  i’m picky when it comes to trainers.  it’s this odd intimate bond that you form with someone.  i mean they see you sweat, they push you into doing something you don’t want to do, and often times they listen to what’s going on in your life.  a mini therapist without the expensive habit of getting nothing while you sit on a couch crying your eyes out.

so he’s leaving me to greener pastures.  now, i have to go through the expense (both monetary and time wise) of finding someone new, meshing well with them, and gaining a comfortability level.  i watched my old trainer for about a month before i approached him because i wanted to see how he interacted with his clients.   if they all got along or if he could be a dick head and push you when you needed it.  and yes, he is hot.  it may seem stupid, but it is a prerequisite for me.  i don’t want to take work out attempts from a trainer who’s eating a bucket of fried chicken trying to spot for me.

plus on top of that he was completely cool and fun with the whole gay thing.  like the dude who did a sean-cody video.  yeah we make fun of him every time we see him at the gym posing.  the steroid seller, oh yeah he gets ripped apart as he sits on a weight bench for two hours approaching people.  the trainer that posed all the time for playgirl, and the dudes who fuck in the shower, yeah we make fun of them (while i secretly wish it was me – not the playgirl part there’s no need for women to fawn over me – the fucking in the shower, what a perfect way to get the post refuel protein).  that type of interaction isn’t something that you can just go up to someone and have it is cultivated over time, and after seeing we’re both cynical enough to get a laugh out of everyone else.

while i’m happy for the dew.  i can’t help but think of how terrible it is going to be to find someone new.

It’s been no secret that I  have been trying to loose weight, and generally be a more healthy person.  My attempts have been paying off and the attention at first was nice is now just bothersome.

Last week I was standing making a deposit at the ATM at work when this person (I have no idea who) walks by me, then walks backwards to say  “Have you lost weight, cause you look good.”  So of course you say thanks, and just go about your day.  But when it happens about three times in a day you get very tired of giving the whole explanation.

This past Friday I was at a party, and again, I had to tell about ten different people that I have been lifting, running, spinning and doing weight watchers to drop my weight.  I was pleasant and did it with a smile on my face.

Now, see, I feel that if I am kinda friends with someone, I have the opportunity to joke and kind of be an ass about it.  So, my one coworker came up to me and said something to the effect of “Wow, Shawn, you’ve lost a lot of weight!”   I replied “Yes, it’s what happens when you have terminal cancer.”  At that point, the people I was hanging out with all busted out.  The coworker had a strange concerned look on his face, so I had to give my explanation.  He seemed a little pissed, but if you can’t have fun with it?.?.?